Reading the reports of the rape at the school dance in California last weeks has really made me think about school. I have trusted the schools that our kids have gone to. I feel like there are lots of regulations and systems to make sure that kids are safe at their elementary schools.
Thinking about it a bit, my order of concern at the kids’ school is: Number One, their safety; Number Two, their emotional wellness; Number Three, their actual education. If I felt worried for my kids’ safety at school, I would be all over the school.
That’s why reading these stories from this horrible high school dance has really upset me. It is even worse after reading about the story that the girl’s best friend related to the school board in an emergency meeting the next day. She told the board that security was inadequate and that security guards and school officials knew that there were several adults and non students that were loitering around the doors of the dance all evening. Security guards and even the Vice Principal were all ignoring these people who should not have been there.
In this case, there is no doubt that the school is at fault and there should be some serious consequences for the people who enabled these dangerous circumstances.
You might read that statement and ask: How do you know that they were at fault? How can you jump to that conclusion without knowing all of the facts?
Well here is the truth. This is the truth that I know from my experience with teenagers. This is the truth that I know about every school dance at every school. They are all dangerous. Students and administration at schools ALL know that drugs and alcohol are all factors at school dances and events. Students make a game out of sneaking booze in and finding places to do drugs. Also, all students and school administration know that students use these dances as places to “hook up”, meet people of the opposite sex, and even have sex. They all know that these dances are sexually charged, from the outfits that the students are wearing, to the music that is playing, to the conversations that are pervasive, to the fact that many of the students are there dating and moving forward in relationships. Even the dances that are permitted and discouraged are filled with simulated sex acts.
These dances are all undersupervised, are all sugestive, are all a powder keg waiting to explode. Even the dances where there is not criminal allegations that are prosecuted and publicized, there are untold amounts of intoxication of minors, drunk driving, sexual harassment, sexual touching, and who knows how many cases of date rape and underaged sex that occurs.
Not only does all of this unsafe behavior take place. But they also feel the need to have the kids vote on the most attractive students on who should be the homecoming king or prom queen. I can’t believe that this stuff happens. They are asking the students to vote on the attractiveness of people. Do you know what kind of messed up messages this sends to school kids? How much societal damage can be done through a couple of hours? It looks like schools are trying to figure it out.
My question is: Knowing all of this (which the schools do) how can a school, in good conscience, put on a school dance? Knowing not just the dangers, but the facts about what actually does happen at ALL of these dances, how can schools do this? From a legal standpoint, how can they assume such liability? From a moral standpoint, how can they encourage such horrible horrible behavior? From a parental standpoint, how can they put the students in this kind of risk?
Is it the job of a school to socialize the students? If so, are they already not doing enough of it with the amount of wasted time in classes and the amount of interaction that already takes place in school? Do they need to have a stake in the dating lives of the students?
Seriously. Keep my kids safe and do your job to educate them. I don’t want the school to take it upon themselves to socialize my kids. I don’t wan them to parent my kids. I don’t want them to do anything that they don’t have to do. Don’t act as my kids’ matchmaker. Don’t make them vote on how attractive other students are. Don’t make them run through a gauntlet of drugs, alcohol and sexual explicitness in order to feel included and be a part of the school. Is it too much to ask for us to expect schools to safely and understandingly educate children?
Schools will start cutting prom and homecoming from their schedules when these events either become more commonplace or when administrators become more aware of the danger…or when the lawsuits start coming again and again. It is too big of a liability. It is too big of a danger.
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